Fievel's American Tails

The Game of Life

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:20:06 GMT

Remember playing that game, Life, and you have to decide at the beginning if you want to go to college first? It puts you in mega debt, but you have more career choices and a better chance of a better salary. If you choose not to go to college, your chances are reduced.
Either way, it's still up to chance. I always found that funny- who would really end up with that bottom salary after college or that sweet job without it?
That game is a lot more like real life than I thought.
I have a college degree in Spanish and Secondary Education.
I have three years of teaching experience and valid teaching licenses for two very selective states.
I am bilingual.
I serve bagels.
I am back at Panera and have been since August 31st.
The thing is, I love it.
I don't even mind getting up at 4:15 every morning to go to work.
I don't mind that high schoolers can do my job.
I don't mind that former students and colleagues come in now and then.
I don't mind that my big accomplishments are getting that shy little boy to talk to me or helping a new customer get exactly what they want.
I don't mind that my big goal is to reach 200 transactions in one day. (My record is 196- SO CLOSE!)
I don't mind that creativity in m y job means drawing on the lattes with syrup or arranging the loaves or pastries differently.
I don't even mind that there's a piece of sourdough bread bowl crust stuck in my keyboard that makes it harder to type.

I love what I do.
I love being done at 1pm.
I love not taking work home with me unless I'm going to eat it.
I love that my managers trust me and appreciate the hard work I am doing.
I love that I have managers- people who are paying attention to the overall picture and also catch the details to redirect me as needed.
I love that I have jobs to do with people and on my own.
I love that I can get excited about our product.
I love connecting with customers, especially regulars.
I love 65% discounts while I'm working.
I love that I am so much happier than I was when I was teaching.
I LOVE building relationships with my coworkers.

Yes, I have no benefits (right now). Yes, I make, like, NO money. Yes, I run around all day. Yes, I'm quite tired at 1. Yes, I have to go to bed at 8pm if I want a full night of sleep.
I
don't
care.

If I can afford to do so, I feel like I could do this for a long time. It is, believe it or not, so much more fulfilling to me than teaching. My perspective on lots of things has changed, which I know has contributed to this, but it's not about state tests or classroom management or selling bagels or making the perfect latte. It's not even about reaching 200 transactions. It's about the Kingdom. It's about making disciples. At school, especially in NY, I was so pulled be everything else that relationships weren't really formed at all. Even though I was able to build some friendships in MA, they weren't very deep. Here, I work alongside people- we complete tasks together, we see almost everything everyone else does, we share responsibility for the success or failure of our tasks, we cover for one another, support one another, and have lots of time in the midst of it to build friendships. At the last school I was in, I don't know who the believers were. I didn't know anyone well enough to ever find that out. Now we have all found each other and several of them ask me to pray for things in their lives. I haven't gotten to the point of asking for their prayers as well, because I haven't had anything that wasn't uber personal or would take a lot of explaining to ask for prayer for, really. Anyway, I feel as though fruit will come out of this bakery... ha ha. I also love that I make lots of bread jokes.They are so lame, but all of us make them, so they're only unappreciated when I'm NOT at work. : ) Anyway, I pray that this is true- that God would use where I am to bring the Truth to those before me, to those for whom I am growing to care so deeply.

God is good!

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:35:58 GMT

Everything is changing.

It rocks.

Birthday parties for wee ones should be inexpensive.

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 17:20:29 GMT

My current employment is in an amazing facility that is a lot of fun to come to as a customer. Often times it is also quite a wonderful place to work as well. My primary role there is a birthday party host. Parents can pay between $200 and $350 for the use of our facilities and staff for up to 10 participants. They are welcome to invite more people, but we charge them for it.
The parties are actually quite well organized and run smoothly (for the most part). Participants are generally well behaved and follow our every instruction. Parents are put at ease by our safety checks, smiles, and "professionalism" (put in quotes because I have a hard time seeing anything with t-shirt uniforms and singing happy birthday, complete with a "cha cha cha" between each line as remotely professional). We know what we're doing and they have no choice but to trust us with the lives of their children because they don't know how to do what we do and they signed a waiver saying it's not our fault if something goes wrong.
For many of our birthday kids, this is an awesome experience and a really cool way to celebrate your birthday. For some of them, it's a Veruca Salt experience- "Gimme an expensive, massive, party at which I'm going to be an absolute nightmare! NOW!"
This is not what I don't understand. I realize there are lots of spoiled children and I've hosted several of them. They can be a nightmare so long as they follow the rules. They can be arrogant and bossy and rude all day. But when they start endangering themselves or the other kids, I have a problem.
Even that I understand, however. Having taught for three years, I fully understand that kids who are not disciplined at home will have no understanding of why they should follow the rules. There are no consequences for them at home, so why would there be here?

What I don't understand is why have this kind of party for a five year old?? They won't really remember it, their friends won't really remember it, and they would have been just as happy with a sprinkler in the backyard as with this kind of party. Even more, why spend $500 on having tons of extra people at your party for your five year old? I cannot imagine spending that much money on a little kid's party.

Now, I might want to have a party like that NOW, but I'd remember it now. Most five year olds don't actually get much out of their experience anyway. It's a short-lived novelty for them. They don't have the drive or the stamina to really enjoy their own party.

This job does not pay very well. This is not a complaint, just a fact. I wouldn't expect it to pay more, really. A twelve year old could gain the skills needed to do the majority of the job, then the rest is just schmoozing, serving pizza and cake, and time management to make sure they're getting out the door on time. There are two payoffs to this position, and neither of them are in my paycheck. Payoff one is a free membership. I get to play there when I want. I don't take advantage of this all that often, but I may now that I'm not teaching and I live super close to it. Payoff number two are the tips. Parents like it when we engage with the kids, when we keep them from doing any work, when we tell stupid jokes we learned from Laffy Taffy wrappers. They pay us for it. I like this, not just because it's more money, but it's motivation to improve. The company will pay me the same as a guy who does his job with minimal personality, enthusiasm, or even skill, really. Parents sometimes come in knowing what they will tip us, but there are certainly times when they recognize our efforts. There are also times when despite all we do, the parents don't realize that tipping is standard. They probably would have been quite generous had they known, but it's not your typical service. We're not waiters, hairdressers, or valets.

There are other times, like yesterday, when they are upset to find out their party racked up $500 in charges and they get so upset by this that they fight against paying even their bill, let alone giving any extra to their exhausted servers. Ten participants is our standard. This party had 19 participants and even more people standing around. Pizza serving time was a nightmare. It was awful. Present time was disorganized and messy. It was almost an impossible party, really. The kids were running around and wouldn't heed direction. Even so, those of us working did everything we could. We handled it as well as we could. And she argued with the manager about her bill and left us with empty pockets.

I recognize that tips are not something I should be expecting. I am paid hourly. I'm not stuck on a waitress pay rate or anything. I love what I do (most of the time) and being able to work with those kids in setting goals, challenging themselves, watching them achieve, even just playing with them for a few hours- all of this is reward enough. I'm not one to cry, but I'll admit there have been times I've been very near tears when I see a kid who has been struggling or thought they couldn't do it rise beyond their own expectations and fears to conquer what had previously seemed impossible for them. I love being a part of that. Maybe it's the camp counselor and teacher in me.

Some of these kids are not like that, though. Some of them are awful, arrogant showoffs. Some of them refuse to take any suggestion, to try something new, to admit when things are difficult. Some of them don't appreciate the opportunity they've been given, don't appreciate anything they have. Some of their parents are the same way.

Yesterday was a very discouraging day at work. Hopefully my next group on Tuesday will be far more rewarding. I am quite certain I won't be receiving a tip Tuesday because of the kind of group we're hosting, but I certainly hope they are more fun to work with than these awful 5 year olds I had yesterday.

And no, it's not because they are five. I have worked with wonderful five year olds. These ones were, like, evil rotten nasty children.

So, basically, if you have very young children, please don't take them to our facility for their birthday. Wait until they are old enough to appreciate it. Wait until they've learned how to behave in public. Wait until they follow instructions. Wait until they can fit into our equipment. If you can't wait until then, please suggest they book someone else to work your party.

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:44:10 GMT

Here's what I want and I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist.

I don't really have time (or the appetite) to eat a full breakfast. I want a meal-type-beverage (like Ensure), but I have special requirements for it, as normal ones probably do more harm than good.

1. Sugar free... and nasty fake sugar free. I don't trust Splenda and the like. At the very least, incredibly low sugar would be okay.

2. Dairy free. I didn't realize how important that was until today.

3. High calorie. I go through a lot of them. This is especially hard to find in conjunction with low sugar. This is supposed to give me energy to burn, not just trick my stomach into thinking I actually ate.

4. High protein. This is a point I can compromise as well.

5. Not unbearably disgusting. This is a relative requirement and the most flexible. I am not altogether picky, however. Yesterday I drank (and very much enjoyed!) a mixture of cider, spinach, pineapple juice, and celery... so my idea of "unbearably disgusting" is perhaps slightly different from the norm.

Five requirements, some of which are flexible or relative. Wegmans proved unable to meet these needs yesterday. I settled by ignoring my second demand. That may have been a poor choice.

I also have some Odwalla bars that are good, but super sweet (in my opinion). I can't finish one. If it were salty snacky... oh, I could finish 3 of them. Why do these meal-substitute people assume that all of their customers are sweet-toothed?

Coke

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:50:31 GMT

I tried to use a bottle of Coke to staple a few pages together today. Now, this may be a special Steelers Coke bottle, but it does not have the power to turn loose sheets into one packet. If opened, it would have the power to turn several sheets into one cohesive mess, but that's not the same.

Anyway...

How did this misinterpretation of the use of a bottle of soda occur at all?

Well, it just so happens that my mother is fantastic. Yes, this is related. She knows of my odd interest in Coca-Cola merchandise, though I as a general rule do not drink soda. I just like their "stuff." Anyway, once upon a time, my mother gifted me an amazing stapler that was the spitting image (where did THAT phrase come from?) of the wonderful glass bottles of Coke, including a brown body topped with a greenish clear neck and a red cap.

Both this stapler and the majority of the Coke bottles that I have collected over the years, some still containing their liquid sugar and some long emptied, reside on my bookshelf. It is getting dark here but I have yet to get up and turn on a light. In my carelessness, I reached for what seemed to be my stapler, but was, as the beginning of this post has already stated, my Steelers bottle.

Friends have stolen and purchased Coke bottles on my behalf from various countries and with various logos. This makes me smile, especially the ones that had to be smuggled, like the Egyptian bottle. I don't know how she stole it, since supposedly they follow you around after you buy the Coke to get their bottle back. But she is a particularly clever and determined individual.

That's today's adventure.

We set the birthday girl on fire...

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 03:56:12 GMT

A
- Available: for lunch on Saturday
- Age: 25
- Annoyance: Grown people talking like babies.
- Animal: Giraffes

B
- Beer: Not even root.
- Birthday: June 12
- Best Friend: We don't really do "best friends-" except Jesus. I have a few close ones, though.
- Best feeling in the world: Sweatpants right out of the dryer.
- Blind or Deaf: The more I experience both, the more I realize I have no right to choose which I'd rather be.
- Best weather: 104, sunny, dry
- Been in Love: with Jesus
- Been on stage?: Lots of times. I miss it.
- Believe in Santa: Um, no.

C
- Candy: I'm not supposed to eat it, but I do anyway sometimes. Right now I like Take 5's.
- Color: pink!
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Depends on what it is.
- Chinese/Mexican Food: I love both, but Mexican.
- Cake or pie: Cheesecake, which can be argued as either.
- Country to visit: I'd like to try another eastern European country, I think.
- Cheese: Is my picture being taken?

D
- Day or Night: Both are useful for certain things.
- Dancing in the rain: It's excellent in August!

E
- Eyes: 2
- Everyone's got: a choice
- Ever failed a class?: Heck yes.

F
- First thoughts waking up: NO.
- Food: rocks. I don't eat rocks. Food is awesome. It rocks.

G
- Greatest Fear(s): ignoring what God has for me.
- Goals: no more loans. I'm not big on goals, really.
- Gum: Fruity ones like Stride Forever Fruit

H
- Hair Color: brown
- Height: 5'6"
- Holiday: Thanksgiving
- How do you want to die: relatively young. Suddenly.

I
- Ice Cream: Grasshopper Pie which they don't sell in NY.
- Instrument: muted trumpet. I don't have a clue why.

J
- Jewelry: Lia Sophia : )
- Job: Spanish teacher
-Joke: Brian Regan

K
- Kids: I teach everyone else's. That's all I want.
- Kickboxing or karate: Oh I miss kickboxing with Beatson!
- Keep a journal?: Quite obsessively... since 2004.

L
- Love: = God
- Letter: I like writing them. And receiving them.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Lots of times.

M
- Milk flavor: Soy?
- Movies: Pan's Labyrinth, Empire Records, Juno, Garden State, An American Tail (duh)
- McD’s or BK: Panera
-Music: Reggaeton and sweet soprano arias.

N
- Number: umm... phone?

O
- One wish: Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Water
- Perfect Pizza: Kashi
- Piercings: Just closed up holes.

Q
- Quality: comfort and price... that's nice! Only MA folks will get that one : )

R
- Reasons to cry: change
- Reality T.V.: Gross. I'd have to lend some gratitude to the Bachelor, though.
- Radio station: XM32, XM58
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Nope
- Ring size: My class ring was a 7

S
- Song: It changes almost daily. I really like "Truth Found You," though.
- Shoe size: 8-9
- Salad Dressing: Catalina or Cherry balsamic from Panera
- Sushi: Not going to happen.
- In the shower?: Candles and hymns
-Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries- I had a traumatic incident with a blueberry once.

T
- Tattoos?: One
- Time for bed: Varies with the day. Sometimes 9, sometimes midnight.
- Thunderstorms: Freak me out.

U
- Unpredictable: moods

V
- Vacation spot(s): Boston, apparently. Prince Edward Island would be a great one, though.

W
- Weakness: insecurity
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: We're all pretty different.
- Worst feeling: Realizing you've really hurt someone.
- Wanted to be a model: Just a voiceover... a vocal model, if you will. : )
- Worst Weather?: Slush

X
- X-Rays: Mostly dental, but I had some for my knees. They didn't find anything.

Y
- Year it is now: 2009
- Yellow: car! *punch*

Z
- "Z": time for getting some.

A few mostly unconnected thoughts

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 18:07:59 GMT

Last night my roommate and I rented a made for TV movie. We paid money to see something that most people would try to avoid. And what's even more disturbing is that we both actually liked it, despite its predictability, poor acting, and sub par screenplay.

Thursday morning I woke up not to the sound of my phone alarm, but to the final stages of my roommate's morning routine. Still being in a sleepy daze, I did not understand the implications of this. I lazily checked the clock on my phone, sent the information through my mind, where it put together all of the pieces that made a single squeaky gasp jump from my lips. It was 7:55am. My alarm is meant to go off at 5:49am. My first class starts at 7:45am. A terrified whimper arose as a bolted out of my room. My roommate, unaware until just a few seconds earlier (by the presence of my car) that I was NOT at work, questioned her own eyes, "You're still here??"
Another whimper. The first words I had were "What's the number for work?" And I stared at my phone, expecting it to just tell me a number I never programmed into it. Amazingly enough, it did just that. "Oh, great, work is calling me." And I started to explain myself to the secretary, saying I would miss my first class because I live 40 minutes away. Then my face accidentally hung up on her. My phone does that. I called back, feeling like an idiot for hanging up on the school secretary.
No major immediate repercussions from this incident, but it doesn't help my status in the district.

I felt like Jacob yesterday. I went to bed Friday concerned about certain parts of my life and woke up even more upset about them. Knowing I had plenty of time to wait, work, and pray that morning (I LOVE Saturdays) I told God I wasn't moving until something changed. I realize this sounds quite demanding and kind of controlling, which is not the attitude with which to approach God, but I saw it differently. I saw it as being bold before the throne, knowing that he wants these changes for me even more than I want them for myself. Knowing that I've already been set free from those patterns, that I've already been perfected in the heavenly realms, I was asking for what has already been given to me. I wanted my life to look more like reality than the shadows of the past.
So I wrestled. Like Jacob. And, like Jacob, God didn't leave me disappointed. I may not be stuck with a limp forever, but that doesn't mean the morning went without pain. The realizations of what I've been doing, how it has affected my life and those around me, and just how deeply rooted and widespread it is were overwhelming. Fortunately, the Bible is "a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." My next step was in the Word. I know I'll probably be working on that for a while. I also know that when it becomes time for the next step, that too will be illuminated.

I heard some very upsetting news today. It does not directly affect me, but is just one of those things that I have a really hard time accepting for someone else. A life-changing, devastating event for someone still so very fragile and just beginning to think that maybe life ISN'T so awful all of the time.
It's things like this that make me wonder why anyone would want to read, watch, or listen to anything that tries to say that life can be happy, sunny, fluffy stuff all the time. These sorts of ideas just lead to disappointment through impossible expectations and false impressions. As they say in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." The Bible doesn't really say much differently either. "In this world you will have trouble." Of course in that case there's a hope attached to it- "But take heart! I have overcome the world." Still, I'm not going to live under the delusion that my life could ever be filled with a smiley-faced sun and rides on the backs of unicorns. I don't know of anyone who believes those as literal possibilities, but I see so many people looking for things that are just as impossible, just as imaginary, just as fruitless.
Even so, I want to just go to this girl... I don't have much to offer her, but I'd just hold her and be there and love her when I know she must feel so alone and terrified for the future.

I want to go home. So much of me still doesn't think of this as home, and I don't know what it will take to change that. Of course really, my home is not anywhere on this earth... so I guess it's okay that I don't feel like this is it.

SICK

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 18:04:33 GMT

The worst part about being sick, for me, is the isolation. When you're noticeably sick, people pretty much banish you to solitude. Understandably so, as I don't want to make everyone else as miserable as I am, but since I'm already feeling so awful in body, it would be nice if I weren't also left to suffer alone.
Generally, I like time alone, but definitely not when I'm upset. If things are not going well emotionally, I'd much rather have someone there along side me, recognizing the pain and comforting me in it.
It's really not so different being sick. Things are not going well, but no one is at my side. Not in a comforting way, anyway. Of course my amazing roommate will do little favors here and there and even watched a movie with me last night. That was almost what I feel like I'm now lacking... but not quite.
I am probably acting like a child. I don't really care right now, because I'm sick and gross and I don't like it and I want someone to make it better, since I don't know how.

Showering kind of helped... but it exhausted me again, so now I have to rest more before I attempt another activity. Lovely.

Not being serious today.

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 23:26:41 GMT

A
- Age: 8 days
- Annoyance: People talking like babies.
- Animal: those tiny little flies that I'm convinced really TRY to get into my eyes, nose, and mouth.

B
- Beer: Tea?
- Birthday: Well, if I'm 8 days old...
- Best weather: 3 straight months of below freezing... oh, wait...
- Been in Love: with Sir Franken-Percival Blakeney, III
- Been on stage?: as a little boy
- Believe in God: The crazy part is that he believes in me.

C
- Candy: fruity tea?
- Color: the colors my honking buddy can't differentiate.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Peanut butter
- Chinese/Mexican: Why not combine the two? Chexicanese!
- Cake or pie: Just tea, thanks.
- Continent/Country to visit: Narnia
- Cheese: Asiago!

D
- Day or Night: Siesta time
- Dance in the rain?: I'd rather climb in it

E
- Eggs: sunny side up
- Eyes: 2

F
- Full name: Young J. Fievel...
- Food: TEA! and gazpacho con patatitas fritas

G
- Greatest Fear: apathy (an actual serious answer- so unlike me, I know.)
- Gum: I'd rather have tea... though I do like fruity gum.
- Get along with your parents?: ...
- Good luck charm: Luck is a lie

H
- Hair Color: tea colored... ha ha.
- Height: 5'6"
- Happy: Not very often
- Holiday: Boxing day

I
- Ice Cream: I don't eat it
- Instrument: Texas... oh and I like the drums on Rock Band. ; )

J
- Jewelry: My pinkish/purplish athletic watch that beeps every hour
- Job: Confuser of the young

K
- Kids: I have 120 right now.
- Kick boxing or karate: Kick boxing! I miss that class... Cara! Pecho! Ingle!
- Keep a journal?: Obsessively.

L
- Longest Car Ride: Choir tours are very much like death.
- Love: If you put it backwards, it's evol, which is almost like evil.
- Laughed so hard you cried: on a regular basis

M
- Milk flavor: tea
- Movies: Pan's Labyrinth, An American Tail (duh)
- Motion sickness?: Nope.
- McD’s or BK: Panera

N
- Number of Siblings: 2 younger sisters... and plenty of spiritual brothers and sisters
- Number of Piercings: just a tattoo.
- Number: I don't have a fave. I'm picky about setting time on alarms/timers and how many things (like tater tots) I eat, though. Ooh! I am going to make some tots!

O
- One wish: to be Elastigirl.

P
- Perfect Pizza: No cheese, no sauce, no toppings... and butter on it. Okay, so toast.
- Pepsi/Coke: Tea!

Q
- Quail: Remember Doug?? He was QuailBoy in this little comic strips!

R
- Reason to cry: my tater tots were kind of freezer burned.
- Radio Station: XM Caliente
- Roll your tongue in a circle? Not even close.
- Ring size: No one needs to know that.

S
- Song: I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas... (ha, now it's stuck in your head!)
- Shoe size: about the same as my foot.
- Salad Dressing: I don't like salad
- Sushi: Not even a little bit.
- Skipped school: In kindergarten my report card said I had trouble skipping.
- Slept outside: Woah, people do that? Why? : D
- Shower daily?: No flipping way.
- Sing well?: Not so much anymore.
- In the shower?: I used to.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Raspberry tea!

T (TEA!!!)
- Time for bed: after my tea is gone
- Thunderstorms: I HATE them. Not even kidding. This is nothing to joke about.

U
- Unpredictable: probably not as much as I think.

V
- Vacation spot: the restaurant at the end of the universe

W
- Weakness: I'm far too awesome for my own good... that is my only weakness. (Yeah right!)
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: many may try, but none can ever succeed...
- Who makes you laugh the most: ME
- Worst feeling: when your whole leg is asleep up to your behind
- Wanted to be a model?: No, but I actually wanted to be the recorded voice for some voicemail system or telling you that you dialed wrong.
- Worst Weather?: 3 straight months of below freezing and yucky snow!!

X
- X-Rays: Don't really tell you much.
- Ex's: O's...

Y
- Year it is now: 2009
- Yellow: submarine?

Z
- Zoo animal: my roommate : )

Mayans heart corn.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 04:54:07 GMT

Roommate and I did laundry last night.
That's right, we're awesome, Friday night laundry, woohoo! Before you judge us, we DID go rock climbing with people after, so we're not entirely lame.
Except I AM lame because it's the laundry I'm writing about tonight and not the social adventure.
We used a ginormous dryer... HUGE. As in, Roommate and I could have both fit in it, with a few other friends. It was pretty crazy.
We did not get into the dryer, however. Well, I was pretty far in to get my clothes out, but no more than that.
Why was I writing about this again? I guess it was just fun to use such a huge contraption.

So, just to add to my lameness... and stop the dryer talk, I am going to do a survey. I stole it from someone who laughs like a goose. : )

What are you planning on doing after filling this out?
writing in my real journal and going to sleep.

What are you listening to?
my landlady's muffled television rising through my floor.

Are you outgoing or shy?
Shy, though some people don't realize it.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
EVERYONE at a certain wedding in Seattle.

When was the last time you really laughed?
That would be last night at RockVentures with AWESOME people.

Anybody you're looking forward to seeing soon?
All the house church girls tomorrow!

What do you think of people that smoke weed?
Switchfoot comes to mind... "We were meant to live for so much more"

Do you trust all your friends?
no

What were you doing before this
eating pasta and writing an email

Do you miss the way things used to be?
not a smidgen

Do you hate anyone?
If I had a little black box to put the devil in... I'd take him out and SMASH HIS FACE and put him back again!

Are you usually wide awake in the mornings?
once I'm out of bed I'm okay.

Was it a boy or a girl that you called last?
that would be the XM radio man.

What is on your bed right now?
lots of blankets, my laptop, my Bible and journal, my phone, me...

Who did you last piss off?
what an awful expression... what does that even mean?!? How can one urinate off someone else?

Name five girls you can trust with everything?
I don't put names on livejournal, so this will be fun...
Tree, Roommate, Quack, Honk, and Phe-Phe.
Though "everything" is a bit intimidating... "anything" might be closer to accurate.

What are you doing now?
Smarty-pants answer: this survey. I'm also enjoying the feeling of my medicated chapstick on my pained lips, chatting with a camper-turned-counselor, examining the slice in my hand a LIGHT SWITCH gave me, and making plans for tomorrow.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Tree- at her WEDDING!

Is anything bothering you right now?
I can't think of a time I'd even have been able to answer that with "no."

What's the very first thing you do when you wake up?
figure out how many more times I can hit snooze without being late.

Do you even know how to do the laundry
The beginning of this post would suggest competence. Sort of. ; )

Best memories of this past summer?
We're All in This Together? Be a Man? Hana Kimi? Just about anything involving my division director??

When is the last time you had a headache?
They are a rare occurrence for me... probably a month ago.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
On occasion. More often I feel like it but don't.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything?
Surely.

What woke you up this morning?
Nothing... it was glorious.

Where did you go in a car last?
Home! (From RockVentures)

Have any memories that you'd like to forget?
Lots.

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
I'd never thought I'd call my handwriting normal...

Does anybody hate you?
I can think of some who might...

Who's standing next to you?
Jesus?

Have you kissed more than eight people in one night?
Yucky... I can't imagine that ever happening.

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?
Honk, when she was praying for me.

When will you dye your hair next?
Not.

Did you sing today?
I hope I can never answer "no" to that question!

Do you want to see somebody right now?
I'd love to.

Do you wear glasses?
Driving glasses- and I have (but don't wear) reading glasses.

Are you sarcastic?
unfortunately.

What is wrong with you right now?
I don't have enough time to answer that question.

How clean is your room?
pretty bad right now- my laundry's not put away, I'm not unpacked from Seattle, there are boxes of stuff taken out of Dory, and lots of junk mail.

If you were in the hospital would your number one come see you?
Not sure who number one is here (Jesus?), but I know I'd have several visitors.

Do you think things will change next year?
Everything is about to change completely.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
Yeah, it happens.

What were you doing this morning at 8 am?
Sleeeeeeping. : )

Do you like the beach?
Yes, especially in Spain.

Two days from now this time, where will you be?
Probably right back in this bed.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Roommate

How late did you stay up last night?
Midnight

Do you smoke weed everyday?
Ew, gross, not ever.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yes- but they are scary! Especially when they eat enchanted bugs!

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
Oh yes.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Yep... but I know that a year from now I won't be anything like I am now.

Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
Thanks to the internet, I find those people.

What will you be doing in 3 hours?
Sleeping

Have you held hands with anyone in the past three months?
Yes, Thursday. Honk. Praying. I already said that.

What is the last thing you said out loud?
Ow! You brat! Ow! (To the evil light switch that sliced my hand)

Are you ticklish?
Not anymore.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?
Indeed.

What are you wearing right now?
SWEATPANTS! And a long sleeve shirt, t-shirt, Wachusett sweatshirt, and a scarf- AKA my pajamas.

What color are your eyes?
brown

What are your plans for tomorrow?
sleep in, hang out with Donkey Klenk, correct essays and journal, go to church, study with Quack and someone I don't have a nickname for yet, and come home...

What was the last song you sang out loud?
I don't remember- I sang a few songs this evening.

When was the last time you cried?
Last weekend at Tree's wedding.

Who gives you the best advice?
Tree... and my roommate, when she gives it.

Do you wear toe socks?
I have some, but don't like the feeling.

Who is the last person you missed a call from?
That would ALSO be the XM radio man.

Do you own an iPod?
Yes- it's old and dying and pink.

Who was the last person you saw in person?
My roommate before she went to bed.

Have you changed this year?
Lots- but not enough.

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Camper-turned-counselor... and I recently finished making plans with Donkey Klenk.

Is there a quote you live by?
It's really long, so I can't really post it. It's 444,395 words long in the original languages (Greek and Hebrew), which I actually can't understand... but I have a few translations of it around my room.

Whats the worst idea you've had this week?
Probably giving up teaching to be a flight attendant.

What were you doing at 4 am?
Ew, I hope the answer to that is ALWAYS sleeping! Except it probably wasn't last Sunday-into-Monday.

Are you a blonde?
Definitely not.

What is something that you're looking forward to?
Sleep! And tomorrow, and Tuesday evening, and our trip to Boston, and August 9th

Oh, Apollos.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 03:07:04 GMT

Considering that my 2007 New Year's resolution spans 21 years, 8 months, and 2 weeks, I see no need to make any new ones until 2028, or, more likely, 2029, as this current project will end in September of 2028.

By then New Year's resolutions will be obsolete. By then we'll all have figured out how to eat right and be active while being successful in careers and managing our money. Smoking will die out (or, at least, smokers will...) and alcohol will only be used for cleaning wounds, which actually won't happen either.

Yes, it's true. We'll all be living in communities like in The Giver.

Just kidding. I just think it's absurd when people decide they KNOW what the future will be. The whole flying cars and microchips in the brain thing. Really? What basis does anyone have for any of that?

Actually I think I just added something to my remaining 19 years, 8 months and 2 weeks. The timing may not balance out exactly, but I'll try it.

Rerouted

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:27:25 GMT

My roommate and I had plans (and tickets) to go to Florida during February vacation. We didn't have all the details worked out, but we knew the following:
1. We'd need to rent a car
2. We could stay with my grandparents for at least part of the week
3. Roommate's family would be there the same week and we could bum off them for a while
4. It'd be warmer than Rochester.

All of this, however, proved to be more stressful and complicated than we ever anticipated.
Today, Roommate asked me about our return flight.

I told her the time, then said something I didn't really think I would- "I don't really want to go anymore."
This VACATION had become far too STRESSFUL. That's not how it's supposed to work.

She said, "I had an idea the other day that would never work."

This interested me, because the last idea she had that she claimed "would never work" was that of us being roommates, and clearly that is working out just fine.

I inquired, and her one word response lit up my whole face. "Boston."

Go to Boston?? In February?? WHAT?!?

Thirty minutes later, our flights were re-booked and two Delta reimbursement vouchers had our names on them.

We're going to Boston. In February. WHAT!?!

I am psyched. I've spent my evening finding fun things to do and cheaper ways to do them. I've called a few friends still in the area and found a few places to stay. THIS kind of planning is super fun and exciting.

Roommate saved the vacation... she's pretty amazing.

And now with our happy vouchers we'll have to take ANOTHER trip! Hopefully we've learned a bit of a lesson in planning.

We bought our original Florida tickets using a voucher I got from being bumped off a flight last February. Now we're getting more vouchers. Hey, maybe we'll get bumped off a flight on our way back and will get even more!

We could go our whole lives getting flight after vouchered flight. It could be amazing. It's improbable, I know- but I've had the opportunity twice out of the last two times I've taken trips... I hear that's a pretty good ratio... so it's possible.

Anyway, the point.

I suppose the point is the song listed under "current music." Everyone should listen to it! I'll even give you a link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5vKADUrZuM

But moreso, if your roommate is half as cool as mine, listen when they have "impossible" ideas. "Impossible" might be secret code for "wicked awesome."

Geico sucks.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:39:24 GMT

To do list for today:
Grade quizzes
Grade projects
Grade compositions 1
Grand compositions 2
Write formal lesson plan

Done today:
Yelled at customer service
Looked at new cars online
Got pathetic car washed
Took pictures of pathetic car
Looked at new cell phones
Chatted with former coworkers
Hand washed a very large blanket that is very heavy when wet (I now understand that expression)
Emailed people

These don't quite match.

More on the pathetic car later.

Whispers in the Dark

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 03:36:42 GMT

Time for some levity.
This is an iTunes thing- it's on shuffle and the answer is the title of the next song. And yes, this is doctored. If the song didn't make sense, I skipped to another one. I'm not going to pretend I didn't change it.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Put Your Lights On - Everlast/Santana

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Give What You've Got - Delirious

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Friend of Mine - Lily Allen

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Infatuation - Skillet

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
You Are the Light - Fee

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Falling Into Place - The Afters

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Got You - Third Day

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Say Goodbye - Sanctus Real

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Open Wounds - Skillet

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
You Are Good - Michael Gungor

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Word of God Speak - Kutless

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Mighty Is the Power of the Cross - Chris Tomlin

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Undo Me - Jennifer Knapp

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sinking - Jars of Clay

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Push Me Away - Kutless

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
A Crack in Time - Ferraby Lionheart

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hold Me Now - Jennifer Knapp

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Something to Love - Ferraby Lionheart

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Wire - Third Day

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Matchless - Aaron Shust

22. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Consume Me - dc Talk

23. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Eagle Rider - Delirious

24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Maker of Heaven - Desperation Band

25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Take a Little Time - Jeremy Camp

26. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Crashing Down - Mat Kearney

27. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Whispers in the Dark - Skillet

Okay, God, you win... again.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:20:19 GMT

Life is so weird. It's especially weird as of late.

I set in my head that certain things would not change, that I would continue to have the same opinion and do what I've always done. It seems that every time I do that, I end up exactly where I swore I wouldn't go.

Well, not every time. For example, I have said I'll never smoke, and I don't. It's gross and God doesn't want me messing up my body- his temple!- like that.

But it does happen with just about anything else that is not clearly against what God wants. God is breaking me of that need for control, of forming those unreasonably strong and not altogether informed opinions. It's quite draining at times, as I always fight against it for a while, stubbornly convinced I must be right.

But who am I to claim I know better than the one who created the universe? Who am I to say what is best for me when he created my heart and can see far beyond what I can- both into the depths of my heart and into the future? Who am I to say what is too hard when he is the one who carries me through each day?

I give up. I don't want to fight anymore. Of course God's right. I don't want to keep trying to convince myself that this isn't what he wants. It will be hard, but what is too hard for him? God has been preparing me for this for a long time. He has been breaking me down bit by bit and helping me learn how to surrender.

And now that I'm being obedient in this, there's something new that I'm sure will require the same process.

There is no end. I will be striving until my time on earth is through. That seems overwhelming, daunting, and stressful at first glance, but I know that I can trust him not to let me reach that point. He will not give me more than I can bear. He will give me those times of rest, leading me beside quiet waters, making me lie down in green pastures. Even that can be a struggle at times, as there's always something I could be working on instead of resting, but that's why it says he MAKES me lie down! Sometimes literally, in my case.

So, that continual striving is not a burden, but an encouragement. God will not give up on me. He will not decide that I'm "good enough." He will not decide I'm not worth the effort. He will always be challenging me, growing me, refining all of the me out of me so that I can be wholly his, a complete representation of Christ.

That is worth every effort I could ever give- and my own effort doesn't even get me anywhere!

I could keep going all day, but I'm really craving some breakfast.

Wow

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:16:04 GMT

So, I'm almost halfway through my second week of being a teacher.

That's right. I'm now a teacher. It may seem like it all happened really fast, since this is the first I am posting about it, but in reality, it really happened super fast. Here's a time line.

Monday, Oct. 6
11:41 am: My phone rings. It is a school district inviting me to interview for a full time, tenure track position. I have no idea where their school is except that I know it's not really close to my apartment.

Tuesday, Oct. 7
3:00 pm: Meet with the principal, the chair of "special programs" (of which I'm a part?), an HR guy, and another Spanish teacher. The interview goes well, but they seem somewhat concerned with my lack of experience at the high school level, as the position is teaching Spanish 2 and 4.
5:40 pm: Miss a phone call because I'm working at Panera.
6:41 pm: Check voicemail over by the giant oven where security cameras won't catch me being a bad employee. Message is from HR and wants to talk to me about the position. He even gave me his cell phone number to call him at home.
6:42 pm: Spaz and pretty much assume I have the position.
8:23 pm: Remember what happens when you assume. I return the call and discover that I am not the only candidate at this point. He asks me to come in and teach a sample half hour lesson to some of their Spanish 3 students. He agrees to email me all of the specifics, as I'm standing by the walk-in fridge where neither security camera nor manager will discover me.

Wednesday, Oct. 8
6:02 pm: Clock out at Panera and come home to plan my sample lesson.
6:43 pm: Fall asleep on the couch after eating my Panera dinner.
7:58 pm: Wake up and realize my planning time is running short.

Thursday, Oct. 9
4:02 am: Lights out. That's right. 4:02 am.
6:30 am: Alarm drives a tree branch through my skull which then explodes. Hit phone until it stops.
6:35 am: Unrelenting alarm strikes back. Make my bed.
7:14 am: Dump the rest of my cup of tea into the sink. Pout.
7:15 am: Leave the house and navigate my way to the other side of the city using hybrid directions from Google, my GPS, and a route I devised on my own.
7:53 am: Decide part of my route was not the best choice and make mental note of it.
8:15 am: Arrive at main entrance. Wait in office for seventeen years.
8:25 am: HR guy finds me and escorts me to the classroom.
8:30 am: Teach my awesome sample lesson.
9:00 am: HR guy gives me a tour of the building, letting me know they will want to decide soon, asking about my availability given my current employment at Panera, and actually saying, "Well, obviously that was a great lesson." Obviously? Really?
9:57 am: Climb back into bed for a well-earned nap.
11:17 am: My blasted phone makes me want to smash it with a frozen burrito. It's HR man asking if I could come back out to the school to meet with the superintendent and then go see him in HR. Good sign.
1:10 pm: Stuck in traffic. Big accident involving a fugitive and a cruiser. News vans everywhere.
1:35 pm: Arrive at the district office. HR man is nervously waiting outside for me.
1:42 pm: Listen to superintendent talk about retirement plans and recent trip to Adirondacks. Discuss camp.
1:47 pm: Superintendent says "Welcome!" And I realize I have been hired. Sign my contract with HR man.
1:56 pm: HR man drives someone else's Jeep to high school despite inexperience driving stick. I follow in Dory.
2:03 pm: Meet with principal who has entire day Friday planned out for me. Call Panera to get off work. Coworker who answered phone became first to know I got the job.
2:45 pm: Leave my new place of employment.

Friday, Oct. 10
5:28 am: Alarm reminds me why it is a synonym of concern and fright.
7:20 am: Arrive at school. Meet with principal, then with crazy energetic Colombian Spanish teacher. Observe her class.
9:10 am: Observe Spanish 5 class with seemingly jaded, weary teacher.
10:45 am: Observe more reserved, traditional Spanish teacher.
12:45 pm: Meet with teacher I'm replacing. Go through lesson plans, curriculum, classroom organization and management style, a whirlwind of stuff thrown at me.
3:00 pm: Go home exhausted.

Then I had a pretty crazy weekend (including Panera) and started at this school the 14th!
It's pretty much the perfect position for me. I use perfect not meaning problem free or without possibility for improvement, as that is actually not possible except for in God himself, but perfect as in it's great in all the things that really matter and is well-suited for me. Everyone and their mother wants to help me make this transition and they go beyond just wanting it- they're stopping by all the time, scheduling meetings with me to fill me in on this or that, and offering all kinds of resources and assistance.

And all that to say... YAY for teaching!

Well, now what will I read?

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 23:52:33 GMT

So, for the past... umm... five or six years, I'm not sure... anyway, for the past several years I have been using one of those devotional books that has an entry for each day of the year. With few exceptions, these have been from the "One Year" series from Tyndale House Publishers.

So, as it's already October, I began my search for next year's book.

At the Tyndale website, however, I discovered something shocking that now has me questioning my confidence in their company.

It’s convenient and easy to grow with God the One Year way.

Convenient and easy?? What? The Christian life is neither convenient nor easy. If you disagree, then perhaps you're not living it.

I don't want a company- or anyone- to try to make my relationship with God convenient or easy. When have you ever said to a dear friend, "Hey, I'm so glad it's so convenient and easy to be so very close to you."

Maybe, MAYBE you might be able to claim a particular friendship is easy- you naturally click, you have no major issues, you complement one another's personalities well. Maybe. I'd bet that if you kept going deeper with that friend- if you spent lots of intentionally meaningful time with them or even lived with them- you'd realize how far from easy any deep relationship is.

And it's those ones that are worth working through the hard things. It's those relationships that stretch and grow you as a person. It's those friends who will ever push you to give more and more of your life to God as you push through all that is difficult and learn to be real with them, to expose those dark corners of your heart to the light with them by your side, to still see the beautiful child of God in you even when you're covered in the muck from all that darkness.

And all the more when you're real with God. All the more when He's the one beside you as you dig through that filth that has infected your heart. All the more when you look to Him for help when you are drowning in the hideousness of your sin.

Convenient and easy? Sorry, Tyndale. I'd rather have this.

Something different...

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:43:38 GMT

I've decided it's time to share something that has been a secret for quite a while. I have never talked about this with anyone. And here I am about to make it public.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a poorly written independent film that tries to make some statement about the world through the everyday details of life.
At times I even wonder where the cameras are.
I also wonder if it's going to be one of those films that actually has a plot and a clear point or if it's just a slice of life, following my daily activities and mishaps- not so much the major ones, but the little things- having to go back for my purse, tossing and turning at night, sitting on the couch on a Saturday night in my sweats eating ice cream.
I don't usually have this independent film sense when I am with other people- maybe a cashier or a random person, but my friends are rarely included in these scenes. Apparently I'm the main character.
In reality, only when I'm by myself does my mind wander enough to think of these things. It is kind of fun, though a little sad, too.
I especially like the soundtrack to this non-existent film.

An overdue update

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:06:49 GMT

I have shirked work for years.
I have avoided responsibilities, procrastinated, left much undone.

I have given far less than my best in just about everything I've ever undertaken.

Now I find myself overworking and driving myself into the ground.

Before, my issue was a laziness, a selfish preoccupation with leisure, a belief that my half hearted attempts were "good enough" and that my best was not worth the effort- or perhaps I had a fear that my best wouldn't be as good as I would have wanted it to be. It's much easier to receive a lower grade or criticism on something that is not your best- you can always write it off as such, saying things like "Well, of course I didn't do well, I didn't really try." But on my best... well, that would be much harder. I think I was concerned about that to some extent. Moreso, however I'm convinced it was just laziness and a lack of planning.

Now, I am no better, just fighting in a different way. I'm trying to be independent, self-sufficient, providing for my own needs and desires financially by spending as many hours as possible on the clock. I need to trust that God will provide. Not that I don't have to work- and work hard- and work a lot- but he ordained a weekly rest, not for his own benefit, not just to make up rules, but for my benefit. He knows I need to stay away from work now and then (every 7 days) and just stop.

I am off Thursday. I am determined to rest then.

Of course, rest doesn't just mean sleep, though I certainly plan on doing that. Rest is so much more than sleep, than simple inactivity. It doesn't mean turning off my brain. True rest comes from God alone and from being refreshed in Him. True rest, to some extent, can even be practiced while I'm slicing bread or trying to round up rowdy birthday parties. Rest of this kind is a trust, an understanding that while things may be crashing everywhere, falling to pieces, or bursting into flames, He is there and He will carry me through it. That kind of rest is meant for every day. I don't know if I'm even accepting that rest right now, but I know I'm not allowing myself the rejuvenating weekly rest with at least one of my two jobs taking significant portions of each day- and sometimes both of them.

Oh, and I never announced where I work, though most people know by now. I am a cashier at Panera Bread and don't so much have a title at my other job, but it's an indoor rock gym. Mostly I belay birthday parties and get them upstairs in time for pizza, cake and presents before we kick them out. Sometimes I sanitize shoes and helmets and do other cleaning... oh and yesterday I caught a mouse there. It's cool to be working with ropes and kids, but it's definitely not camp, and that's sad. It's so empty without that spiritual encouraging we get to do at camp- what are they climbing for? What is their goal? Why press on when it gets hard? Pride? Respect? Strength? It seems so worthless, so aimless, so... blah.

Really?

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 02:41:30 GMT

I really thought I knew what I wanted.
I was annoyed when I didn't get it.
I gave up and decided it wasn't meant for me right now.

Then it was once again a possibility.
I got excited.

Partway into the process of pursuing what I had wanted all this time, I found myself wondering if it really is what I want.
Right now, I'd much rather have what I originally didn't want.

Do I just not want to change again?
Am I just afraid of and intimidated by what's unknown?
Do I want the easy way out?

Which way is the easy way, anyway?
It seems like both ways have plenty of challenges.
One way is much more logical.
That's not what I want anymore.
At least, I don't think so.
Not now.

I'm 8!

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 03:41:25 GMT

This past Wednesday marks 8 years since I first gave my life to Christ. Normally I have a lot to say this time of year, but I've learned that I have nothing of my own to offer. All that I have that is worth sharing is God's truth and love. Nothing else matters.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life-
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything:
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

This is not what I expected

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:24:27 GMT

Today is the first day of school around here.

I got up just after 9, did my morning watch, brushed my teeth, made breakfast, and hung out with my roommate. I didn't get dressed until 11.

Why?

Because I'm not a teacher. No one hired me. I did not succeed in my search for employment.

Certified in two very demanding states, two years of experience, great references, study abroad credits, and I'm unemployed.

And what do I think of all this? It depends on when you ask me. A few days ago I would have insisted that something was still going to come through. Yesterday afternoon I would have cried and talked about how I don't understand, but then still would have had to admit that I still had hope that someone would call. Last night I would still admitted my disappointment, but would have mentioned the relief of knowing the jobs I'm now applying for don't have to come home with me. There will be no papers to correct, no lessons to plan, no portfolios, and no parent emails. I would have laughed at the questions the applications asked me (like "I can read well enough to complete this survey") and my over qualifications for table bussing.

Today? Well, today I'm considering the implications of various job options. Mostly my calculations are financial, but there's also hours, transportation (distance) and the likelihood of furthering my education. I was still sad to see the swarm of school busses drive by, but I'm dealing with it much better than I was.

I even have an interview this Friday. I'm sure I'll post it if I get it. If I don't get it, well, I probably won't say anything for a while. You'll have to talk to me if you want to find out where my interview is.

???

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 11:53:20 GMT

God has provided at the last minute many times before. He has saved the day over and over again. Here it is, however, days from the start of the school year, and I'm still unemployed.

So many questions... no way to answer them.

Where am I?

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:01:24 GMT

Disclaimer: I am thinking far too much to be able to write anything substantive.

Camp is over and I'm in my new apartment with my new roommate outside a new city in a new state. I'm still taking in a lot, processing, sorting through what happened this summer and what is going on now and what is still coming. I don't really have much to say about any of it yet. This I do know: this is hard. I knew it would be before I came, but knowing it would be hard before hand doesn't make it any easier.

Soon I'll make a list of things I like about living here. Right now I'm still figuring that stuff out.

I'm so sorry...

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:50:32 GMT

Almost there. Hang on. Just a few more days.

God doesn't give us more than we can bear. He promises that.

Sometimes he gets awful close, though.

And sometimes it becomes incredibly evident that some people can handle far more than others.

I am not "some people" in this example, but the "others" that cannot bear much of anything. Though I'm certain some will try to disprove this, I am finding more and more that I am a big wuss. If nothing else, I have learned at least that much this week.